I just want my book!

  Every night, at bedtime, Hannah chooses which book she would like to have read to her in bed. We give her a choice of 6, laid out in front of her on her duvet, she looks at and then touches/picks up/throws at you the one she wants. For some time now, the book of choice has been Charlie and Lola, ‘Excuse me but that is my book’ (which is funny since Hannah has never liked watching Charlie and Lola and generally yells at it on TV until we turn it over).

   Tonight, as she reached out to touch the cover, she simultaneously looked at me and said a word. Not a recognisable word, not ‘Charlie’ or ‘this book’ or ‘for goodness sake mother don’t you know I ALWAYS choose this book?’, but a word, a new one.

    Hannah rarely makes vocalisations anymore which are more than a shout, we hear the occasional ‘nono’ or ‘dada’, but that’s really all that’s left. So a new sound, in purposeful context, said with intonation and intent, is a rare treat. She touched the book, looked at me, and spoke.   It took my breath, something inside me leapt a little, and for that infinitesimal moment, I got the most microscopic, fleeting glimpse of what it might feel like to hear her voice again.

   And then she giggled, so I giggled back, started reading, and by the time Lola was shouting ‘I just want my book Charlie!’, Hannah was snoring, with a slight smile still lingering around her mouth and closed eyes. I guess she likes the sound of her voice too.


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3 Responses to I just want my book!

  1. Werner Beck says:


    What a nice and positive story.

    I bet you it brought tears to your eyes…..it sure made me tear up.



  2. gillian mary prett says:

    I’m reading this and gasping with amazement and joy, and now of course the tears are coming. Darling Hannah, don’t save the words for Mummy and Daddy only. One day speak to us all and follow it up with your wonderful giggles. X

  3. Amy McKeague says:

    Love it Beth, That is exactly how Molls chooses her books or dvd’s, especially the throwing bit! She also has a thing about Charlie and Lola books – she loves them all but is not bothered about the programme either. I always assumed it was because the books all start in the same predictable way so there are no surprises to throw her.
    It’s been a very long time since Molls made any new noises bit we always live in hope. Thanks for the blog xxxxxx

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